Charles mailed three different letters, in the same order as they appear here. The first one caught my attention with the line "If your firm has any expansion plans in the Southwest..." This person clearly knew what he wanted. I liked that, but he didn't offer to call, and didn't ask me to do anything. That's a mistake.
The second letter includes a resume. That takes the mystery out of the situation, and could weaken a campaign. It feels like giving in and going back to the old "cover letter and resume" routine.
The third letter mistakenly says it's the second letter--I was tracking his campaign better than he was. "I solicit your comments" is a good start, but he needs to solicit them more actively. Call the reader, or ask them for some kind of reply. A good effort, but letters by themselves seldom do the trick. If you care about meeting someone, call and tell them why.
CHARLES D. BRIDGEPORT
2493 Central Avenue | Woodland Hills, CA 91367
H: (818) 788-3873 | C: (818) 788-3391 | firstname.lastname@example.org
August 8, 20––
William S. Frank
10475 Park Meadows Drive, Ste. 600
Lone Tree, CO 80124-5437
Dear Mr. Frank:
I am writing you because of my interest in joining your firm in the outplacement industry.
My strengths include a broad knowledge of industries, organizations and jobs, an intense curiosity about people and careers, and a desire to help displaced employees find career satisfaction.
During my business career of 22 years, I have held various positions including my current position as a Human Resources Consultant for a New York-based financial services firm of 20,000 employees.
As Regional Marketing Manager:
Marketed employee communication services and had profit and loss responsibility for eight offices in the Southwest.
As Corporate Personnel Director:
Installed a company-wide performance evaluation system and developed corporate human resources policies.
As a Senior Benefit Consultant:
Sold, designed, and implemented employee welfare programs and trained employees for Southwest clients.
My consulting clients have included Motorola, Crown Zellerbach, Arizona Public Service, Alcan Aluminum, San Francisco State University, and Reliance Insurance Company.
If your firm has any expansion plans in the Southwest, I would welcome the opportunity to discuss them in a brief meeting.
Very truly yours,
Charles D. Bridgeport